Flashback to Now
by jharts84
Summary: Sully's drinking is getting out of control. But will the help Ty brings in cause more trouble?*COMPLETE*
1. Default Chapter

This is a continuation of "Last Call"

  
  


Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 1

*Sully dreaming*"I want to do it," the cop said as he and his partner sat on the hood of the RMP. His partner grunted. "No, I'm gonna do it," the cop said again with conviction. "You're crazy, you know you can't do that, man," said his partner. "Ty, she needs help. I'm the one to do it," he replied. "No, you're not. You can't be her dad," Ty replied. "And what? He can?" He shot back. "For God's sake, what kind of father takes a frying pan to a kid's head?" "Look. Sul, I'm just sayin, you can't do it. No one will let a single cop be a foster dad, even if they did you know you can't take care of her," Ty said gently. "Let Pete do it." "Yeah, right. A bartender taking care of an alcoholic's kid, there's a good idea," he said back. "I'm gonna do it."

  
  


Ty hung up the phone. His head was spinning. He had just made the phone call that he hoped would save his partner's life. It was set. He would take Sully to the cabin. Then when he got home he would bring out the big guns. Sully would get better, he had to.

  
  


The eyes. The deep green eyes that stared into his soul. They pleaded for him to help. The pain in those eyse....he couldn't take it. He had to help. He couldn't help. Sully snapped awake from the nightmare. God. He thought. I haven't thought of her in so long. He wished the past weekend had been a nightmare like the one he had just had. Had he really given the bottle to Ty? He wanted a drink again. He wanted to wake up from the nightmare. But he was still in the front passenger seat of the van as it sped to the city. He laid his head back onto the seat and tried to sleep again. He hoped sleep would be an escape this time.

  
  


She leaned her head back into the seat. She couldn't believe it. He had gotten married? Why the hell hadn't he told her? She should have been there. And now it was too late. His wife was dead, and he still hadn't reached out to her. And she had gotten the phone call from his partner. Geez, his partner. The son of the man who had tried to help her along with Sully. She almost laughed, the son of the man who had convinced Sully not to try to adopt her. She gazed into the vacant eyes next to her. Well, Pete had done it, he had saved her, but Sully had been there, he had done more in his own way. She squeezed her green eyes shut. She sank her head deeper into the seat cushion. She remembered Ty, Jr.'s words to her. Sully had turned into a man she loathed, a man so much like her father. A drinker, a drunk. Why should she help? She felt betrayed. And yet here she was, moving herself and Pete out of the suburb in Pennsylvania she had been so happy in and back to New York, the place where hell had taken its toll on her repeatedly. She looked out the window of the train, thinking of the situation. She knew she couldn't help him. People don't change for the better and stay that way, the only change for the worse. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Flashback to Now

Chapter 2

He was walking out of the locker room humming to himself when the desk clerk called

out. "Hey Bosco! This young lady here wants to see Ty. Can you help her find him?" "What do

I look like? The station tourguide?" He started to bite back until he turned around and looked

into the deep green eyes of the attractive woman in front of him. "Umm, well if you just follow

me, I'm sure..." Bosco started, but suddenly her eyes brightened and she waved. "Ty! Ty! That

is not you, is it?" She squealed and walked past him.

"Liz? Is that you Liz?" Ty said in disbelief. "Yeah! Who else would it be? Gosh I

haven't seen you since...." Liz trailed off. "Yeah, its ok. I know. My dad's funeral," Ty said. 

Quickly changing the tone, he laughed and said, "you know it must be the outfit." Liz laughed,

"yeah, not a white frilly party dress, covered in mud!" Ty roared, "Yeah, you were such a messy

child!" "Hey! You pushed me in the mud!" Liz shot back. Ty laughed harder, "No, actually I

pulled you in. I was already flat out on my back, remember?" Liz looked at Ty for a few

seconds, remembering the spectacle, before bursting out laughing again.

Bosco was looking at the two of them laughing and joking like old friends. How did Ty

get so lucky? Here was a beautiful woman who he had just met, and he already had no chance

with her. Ty noticed Bosco watching. He wondered what was going through his head. "Hey

Bosco!" a voice yelled. "What?" Bosco snapped. "You're riding with me! Come on!" the

receding voice yelled back. Bosco rolled his eyes and reluctantly turned to follow the figure. He

didn't even know who it was, he wasn't concentrating. Ty looked back at Liz just as he saw her

tear up. "So, I guess we need to talk about old Sul, now don't we?" She said. Ty just nodded. 

"Come on, we'll get coffee or something."

  
  


"55 Charlie, we have a domestic disturbance call.." The radio crackled to life. Sully groaned He knew immediately who it was. As soon as Liz had gone back to her father, he knew something would happen. As the car screamed around corners and down streets, his new partner, Larry, grabbed the side of the door and stared at him. Sully was already jumping out of the RMP as he threw it into park. He saw the form on the sidewalk. It wasn't moving.

  
  


"I think he's sleeping still." Ty said. "Does he know I'm coming?" Liz asked. "No, I

didn't tell him. Think its better that way...."Ty trailed off, realizing Liz was about to cry. 

"What's the matter?" "Nothing. Nothing. Just thinking is all," Liz said. "What about?" Ty

asked, concerned. "Nothing, really, its nothing I'm fine," Liz brushed him off. Still, she gazed

around the apartment. Where was it? Where was the ashtray she had given him? And the

pictures of them? It was like she had never existed at all. She knew all at once, he had been

serious with his ultimatum. She had left, she had come back, and yet she still wasn't there. Then

she heard the groans in the next room. 


	3. Chapter 3

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 3

  
  


DK waved his hand in front of his face. "Ok, this just doesn't seem right. Why is there smoke in a fire station?" Walsh rolled his eyes, "guess who's cooking again?" "That explains it," DK sighed and walked to the locker room to change. "Hey guys? I think its out, it should still be good," Jimmy called as he walked towards them. "Its ok Jimmy, really, we don't need to eat tonite," Walsh said. "I'll order a pizza!" DK yelled from upstairs. Jimmy looked hurt, "the steak should be really good tonight, guys." He spun around as a woman passed. "Hey Kim! You liked my steak, right?" "Jimmy, you never once cooked steak. At least steak that we ate, you always burnt it," the woman shot back. "Doc? Hey Doc? Where are you?" Kim walked upstairs and left Jimmy looking bewildered. "I like steak that way," he muttered as he walked back to salvage a meal.

  
  


He was sitting in the hospital. In the waiting room. Like so many other times. The doctor came out, and he jumped out of his chair. The doctor just nodded, Sully felt like he had been punched in the stomach, how could anyone.....

  
  


Sully was jolted awake. "Sully! Sully man! Come on, wake up, you're dreaming!" Ty shook Sully. Sully sat straight up in bed. "Man, you alright Sul?" Ty asked. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine!" Sully snapped. "Ook then Sully," Ty said, not believing him. "I've got someone to see you." Sully grumbled something unintelligible and got out of bed, pulling some jeans over the boxers he had worn to bed. When he walked out of his bedroom he suddenly felt like turning back. He couldn't believe it. "What are you doing here?" He nearly yelled. Liz shrank back a little, "Ty called me." Sully glared at Ty. "I told you not to come back," Sully snapped. Liz slumped over, then straightened up and returned his glare. "Well apparently I was a little worried. I didn't know..." Liz trailed off, not wanting to say it, knowing she shouldn't. "What? What huh? How could you know anything, you took Pete and left!" Sully yelled. Liz teared up again, "you don't even know John Sullivan! You don't even know why I left, how I felt!" "Ty, I'm sorry. I'll try again some other time. He's obviously not ready for me yet," Liz said, wiping tears from her eyes. Liz turned around and left. Ty started to follow, but Sully grabbed his arm. "No, Ty. Stay." It was like a slap in the face to be called by his full name. Ty looked to the door, and looked back at Sully. He sighed and sat down on the couch. "What could you possibly say now, Sullivan?"

  
  


Liz was speeding. She knew she shouldn't. But it was a release. She checked back in her rearview mirror once in a while to be on cop watch. If she had been a better mood she'd have laughed at her outlaw ways, but she was in too much pain. It was worse than she thought. Sully was not just the type of man she despised, he was the man who despised her for leaving. As Liz stopped at an intersection she leaned her head against the cool glass of the window next to her. Thoughts were running through her head as she pulled into the parking lot of Mercy. She had neglected Pete today, he didn't know who she was anymore but she visited everyday anyhow. She prayed that Mercy would give him the same good treatment the hospital in Pennsylvania had. Liz sighed. She had lost both the men who had taken care of her.


	4. Chapter 4

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 4

  
  


Sully was pacing. Ty was sitting. They were both silent. It had been that way since Liz had walked out the door. It felt like forever, but it had only been a few minutes. Sully sighed. "You got something to say Sullivan?" Ty asked. Sully spun around, "what, what you're mad at me? You called her! You didn't tell me!" "Ooh, ok. So its my fault she's crying, right?" Ty said. Sully sighed again, and sat down on the couch next to Ty. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He didn't know how to say it. 

  
  


"Hey Pete!" Liz tried to be cheery. On a good day Pete would have looked at her and said, "Hi miss." He may have even been well enough to ask why she looked so sad. But he was lying in the hospital bed, vacant eyes staring at the ceiling. A nurse bustled in, checking his vitals, and was out just as quick. Liz smiled in spite of herself. Here was the New York abrasiveness she missed. The smile vanished almost as quickly as the nurse had. She plopped into a chair pulled near the bed, and took Pete's hand. He couldn't hear her, but sometimes that was the best listener. No one to say that she was wrong in her feelings.

  
  


"So did she bring Pete with her?" Sully finally broke the silence. "Yeah, yeah, she's got him fixed up at Mercy," Ty said, still not looking at him. "Mercy? Why not a nursing home? Pete wasn't that bad when Liz left with him," Sully asked. Ty grunted. "What?" Sully asked. "Apparently she never called to tell you. Pete had another stroke when she got to Pennsylvania, he's much worse off now," Ty finally said. Sully was quiet, he wondered why she hadn't called. Ty echoed the thought out loud. Sully was quiet, he knew the answer but he knew if he said it, it would be more true to him, and that would hurt.

  
  


"He doesn't seem to care that I left, Pete. In fact, he seems to have forgotten I even existed. The ash tray, the pictures, they all used to be out front and center, even after I grew up. But I don't even know where they are. He's got pictures of his wife up, she was pretty. She's dead now. He didn't contact me when they got married, he didn't contact me when she died. And now he's turning into my dad," Liz was saying. She stopped and reflected for a moment, then started again. "You used to know my dad, Pete. You served him his morning, afternoon, and night drinks. You never stopped him. You never knew he had a kid at home. Until the day I came in looking for him. You're the one who called the cops that night. The night with the frying pan. Do you remember? Oh Pete. I wish you remembered," Liz started to cry again. She needed someone. She began to think of Ty.

  
  


"I kicked her out, Ty," Sully began. "No, I didn't really kick her out, but I made it so she wasn't welcome. When she heard about the job in Pennsylvania, she checked it out, not really wanting to uproot herself and Pete. She was taking care of him by then, you see. But she found out that there were better programs there for Pete, that made her decision. I was always jealous of Pete, I wanted to be the one to take care of her. I felt like she was choosing him over me, so I told her if she left not to come back. I guess she took me seriously, but then I never made an effort." Ty looked up. "I think you should make an effort now, Sul. You need each other."


	5. Chapter 5

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 5

  
  


He was riding with Faith again. He didn't want to, but it was better than the idiot who he rode with last time. Faith for one wanted to talk, but she didn't know what to say. Faith cleared her throat. "I saw you talking to that pretty girl yesterday," Faith said. "Hmm?" Bosco said. "That girl at the desk. She was pretty. You got something going there?" Faith asked. "No," Bosco said. "No, she was just looking for Ty." Bosco started to smile a little, "You should have seen them together, they were..." Bosco trailed off, remembering he was mad at Faith and mad at Ty for knowing the mystery girl so well. 

  
  


Liz was still holding Pete's hand, but she had fallen silent. It wasn't working today. She needed someone to talk to who would talk back, she needed to be held. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn't look up until she heard her name. "Sweet pea...Liz..."the voice said. Liz snapped to attention at the nickname. "Sully? What are you doing here?" Liz asked, shocked to see him. "Oh, hi Ty," Liz said, noticing him in the doorway. "Hi Liz," Ty said. Sully was quiet for a moment, not used to hearing her call him "Sully." He walked over to the other side of the hospital bed and sat down. "So, um, how's he doing?" Sully asked, looking at Pete. Liz sighed, "He's got his days. Some good, some bad. He doesn't know who I am anymore." Sully could see the pain in her face, he felt badly for her. "Do you still play, Liz?" Sully asked. He wasn't going to call her by her nickname until he heard his. "Play what?" Liz asked, confused. "Guitar, do you still play guitar?" Sully asked. Liz smiled. Playing the guitar had been her greatest escape, she was forever in Sully's debt for teaching her. "Yes. I do play a lot," Liz said, still smiling. "Sometime we'll have to play together again. Maybe for Pete," Sully suggested. Liz smiled more, she felt some of the anger dissipate. This was the Sully she knew. "That would be wonderful," Liz said. Ty leaned against the doorjamb, smiling and watching the two.

  
  


"So I guess you still don't want to talk to me, do you Bosco?" Faith asked, exasperated. "Well thank you Captain Obvious!" Bosco snapped. Faith glared at him, silent. She gave up and looked out the window. Bosco stared out the windshield, watching the road, silent.

  
  


"Hey Sul, sorry man but we gotta go," Ty said. "I have to get on shift." Sully looked up. He and Liz had been pretty silent for a while, but it was a good silence this time. Sully felt like they were connecting again somehow, he hoped he didn't wreck it. Liz looked up, too. "I can take him home, or is he working?" Liz asked. "No, I'm not working today," Sully said quietly. "I go back tomorrow." "In that case, why don't I bring you home? I won't be staying much longer, anyhow," Liz said. Ty looked at them and said, "Well whatever happens I'm going now, so if you're coming Sul, just follow." Sully didn't. Liz smiled, but inside she knew that things were happening too quickly. She knew that there was a long road ahead, things were bound to happen. A thought echoed in her head that had been there for the past few days, people don't change for the better and stay that way, they only change for the worse.


	6. Chapter 6

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 6

  
  


Liz knew it was coming. As soon as she walked towards her green Grand Prix, she felt it coming. Sully's newfound happiness with her was not going to last. He had been silent for a long time, it continued in the car. She felt it even more as she pulled up next to his apartment. And yet she still said yes when he asked her to come in. He started his attack as soon as they walked through the door.

"So what? Ty calls and all of a sudden you're back?" Sully snapped at her. "I was worried about you, Sully," Liz said. "Oh, ok, that explains it. And that's why you didn't come after 9/11?" Sully nearly yelled. "I did!" Liz yelled back indignantly. "I called the station to make sure you were all right! When I found out you were, well I didn't want to upset you more by showing up!" "But you left!" Sully cried. "So that's it? Huh Sullivan? Its because I left? Because I chose Pete's health over you?" Liz shouted. "Why did you leave anyway?" Sully finally said, too tired to yell. "Because I found out that my mother was there!" Liz shouted, then spun around and left.

  
  


Liz was speeding again. She didn't even bother to check behind her for the police. Not until the flashing blue lights were blinding her from behind. She pulled over reluctantly. "Miss...um..miss do you know how fast you were going?" The young cop stammered. Liz sighed. "Yeah...about fifty. I'm sorry Officer, um..." "Gusler, ma'am. I'm gonna let you off with a warning this time, please slow down," The young officer said and returned almost dejectedly to his car. Liz waited for the car to be out of sight before pushing it to fifty-five. She sped all the way to the hospital. Yet when she got there she didn't have the stomach to see Pete. She rushed to the restroom and retched. Then splashed water on her face as she stared at herself in the mirror. Liz looked at the red streaks on her face from crying, the puffy eyes, and splashed more water on her face. When she was satisfied that she looked ok, she left and sat in the cafeteria. She sat there for two hours, staring at one picture of a magazine she bought for no reason. A little girl sitting in a man's lap, while he read her Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Papa Bear, she thought sadly. She left, driving around the city aimlessly until she pulled up to her apartment. The flashing lights in front of it told her something was amiss. 

  
  


"Lets go lets go lets go!" Lt. Johnson yelled as his men ran around the grass outside the apartment. Jimmy ran out of the apartment, an elderly woman slung over his shoulder. He dropped her by a waiting ambulance and ran back. Liz pushed through the crowd and tapped a firefighter, who was sitting in a bus with an oxygen mask, on the shoulder. "Excuse me? What's going on?" She asked. The firefighter removed the mask, "Carbon Monoxide, I'm afraid you won't be able to go in tonight," he rasped. Liz thanked him and turned back to her car. She needed a place to go, she didn't want to stay at the hospital or go to a motel. Her car seemed to turn in the right direction by itself.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 7

  
  


"Um, sure Liz. What's going on?" Ty asked, still concerned. This was weird. "There was carbon monoxide at the apartment. I can't sleep there tonight. Sully and I fought again." Liz's face crumpled. Ty knew immediately he asked the wrong question. "I'll set up the couch for you, is that ok?" He asked. Liz just nodded.

Liz and Sully fell asleep at the same time. It was a rough night for both. Neither would get much sleep.

  
  


Sully was restless. He was dreaming a dream he dreamt many, many times in the past. The dream reflected life so well. He hadn't been there for much of it, but he dreamt it so clearly, almost perfectly in detail and in truth. 

*Sully dreaming* She had just returned home from school. Her father was already home. This couldn't be good. "We have a new neighbor," he slurred. "They're having a party but they didn't invite me." Liz didn't know what to think. She didn't want to go to a party. She quietly went to her art table in the back of the living room. She was trying to escape the smell of alcohol on her father. She started to make an ashtray out of clay. She painted it orange. "What's our neighbor's name?" She asked her father timidly. "Officer Sullivan. Irish dope, he probably drinks," her father laughed at his own joke before falling asleep in his chair. She knocked on the neighbor's door. Laughter and music spilled out onto the corridor as the door opened. The man stared at her. "Yes?" He asked. "Officer Sull-ee-van?" She asked. "Yes?" "I made this for you, thank you for being my neighbor," she gave him the ashtray and ran off into her own apartment.

It was only a day later and Liz had returned home from preschool again. Her father was in his chair. She had never seen a look like that on his face before. "Where have you been?" "At school, Daddy," she said, backing away a little. A strange look came over his face.

The desk clerk looked at Sully quizzically. "Sully, there is a young girl on the line looking for you," she said. "Who?" He asked. "I don't know but she's crying," the clerk said. "Hello?" He answered the phone. "Officer Sull-ee-van? I need heeeeelp!" the voice wailed. "My daddy won't wake up and my face huuuurts!" Sully recognized the voice as his new neighbor. He and Ty raced to the apartment. The door was open. Liz was standing in the doorway, blood caked on her lip and under her nose, eyes and lip swelling. "Oh my god," Sully breathed. "Pwease help my Daddy," she implored, but her eyes asked him to help her instead. Sully then saw him, lying on the floor face down in a puddle of his own vomit. He rolled him over and he groaned. His pants were soaked. Sully moved him into another room and helped him clean up. Then he took Liz into his apartment and cleaned up her face. Ty left to go to the station and fill out a report. He called shortly to say that he was told to have Liz stay there and wait until her father dried out. "Umm, you want a story?" Sully asked the little girl. She nodded. "Ok, well, I have Goldilocks and the three bears, you want to hear that one?" Sully asked. She nodded again and shyly climbed into his lap as began to read.

It was months later when Liz came home to an empty apartment and waited. And waited. And waited some more. She went looking for her Daddy. The bruises from the day before were still apparent. She knew she shouldn't be at the bar but she was hungry. "Daddy?" She gently shook the man slumped over the bar. He didn't move. "Hey! Little girl, you shouldn't be here," a gentle voice said. She whimpered. "What's your name? I'm Pete," the bartender said. "I'm...I'm Liz," she stammered. "What do you need honey?" Pete asked. "I need my Daddy to come home. I'm hungry," she said. Pete looked angry all of a sudden. "Hey Al! Why didn't you tell me you had a kid? Go home and cook for her for God's sake!" Pete looked at her closely. "Honey? What happened to your face?" Liz hurried out the door. But that wouldn't be the last time she saw Pete.

Four years later and Sully was still taking Liz in to his apartment and washing the blood off her face after washing the vomit and uron off of her father. Liz began to open up to him, telling him how her mother left after leaving the hospital with her when she was born, how her father used to just sleep and not hit her. DSS had come by once or twice, but her father was always clean and sober when they came, no one took her away. Sully felt powerless. It was on that day that Liz was in a particularly good mood for having her face punched to a bloody pulp. "Papa Bear! I want to hear the guitar again! Teach me Danny Boy again!" She squealed. "You know it would be so much fun if Pete were here! He'd give me more cashews like at the bar!" Sully smiled in spite of himself. He knew she had gone to the bar quite a few times to retrieve her father, and had a good rap going with the bartender there. It was just as he had taken the guitar out of the case when her father charged into the apartment. Sully had no power, he had to let her go back with him. "What the hell were you doing there? Huh?" Al raged when they returned to the apartment. "You were sleeping! He's my friend!" Liz trilled. "Friend? Friend? You don't make friends with cops!" He picked up the frying pan, and Liz cried out as it came crashing down onto her head. She blacked out. Pete had come to the apartment shortly after to return Al's wallet, which he had left at the bar. He called an ambulance, and got Sully. Sully made the collar even though he was off duty. Pete and Sully sat waiting in the hospital together. The doctor came out, and said, "She's got burns, the pan was hot when it hit her. And she's got a concussion. Child's services have been called, they'll be looking for a place for her. Unfortunately if her dad gets cleaned up he can get her back." Pete immediately jumped up. "I haven't taken them in a long time, but I can take in foster kids. Let me do it, she'll feel better." Sully was upset by this, he wanted to take her. Pete looked at him, "Sully, lets go see her, ok?" Sully stayed until Liz fell asleep again, then he met Ty, and they drove the RMP out to the canal.


	8. Chapter 8

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 8

  
  


Sully shivered as he sat up in bed. He pulled the covers tighter around him as he remembered sitting out on the RMP with Davis' father. How he had convinced him to leave well enough alone, that Pete would be a great foster father regardless of his job. And it had worked out. For two years Liz had stayed with him. Pete had bought her a guitar and continuously sent her to visit Sully and have more lessons. Sully smiled as he remembered what a natural she was. He wondered if she still played with that half smile on her face.

Liz for one was not smiling. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She had slept restlessly for an hour until she awoke. She still hadn't fallen back to sleep. She was thinking, thinking of her two years with Pete. The two wonderful years where she had felt the most freedom from pain she had ever known. But she couldn't smile at it because of its abrupt end when her father left rehab and came home with the new wife and son. A son that wasn't his. She closed her eyes as she leaned against the back of the couch. The tears escaped her eyelids still as she began remembering everything that had happened.

  
  


Colin was the greatest thing to happen to her since she returned home with her father. Candy, his wife, didn't care much about her. She wasn't Candy's kid, why should Candy anyhow? Her dad worked, Candy worked. Liz went to school and took care of Colin, her precious baby brother. But Colin was sick, deathly ill. Colin had cystic fibrosis, and hour after hour Liz spent pounding on his back loosening up the mucus in his lungs. But Colin's beautiful brown eyes never reflecting any sadness, just endless happiness and devotion to his sister. 

And yet as Liz knew then, at eight years old, all good things must come to an end. Colin began having respitory failure after failure. Liz was always the only one home. So she'd call the ambulance, crying her eyes out, and ride in the ambulance to the hospital with him. Candy would come running, yelling tearfully at Liz. "How could you take such terrible care of my baby?" Liz would sit quietly, taking the abuse. She knew it wasn't her fault. She wished Candy were smart enough to know. Candy didn't even care about Colin that much, or else she'd be the one who took care of him, bathed him, cooked for him, did his therapies. And the day came when Liz was twelve. She and Colin were lying on the fire escape again, looking at the clouds. Colin was giggling. "I see a cloud that looks like your funny head!" He'd squeal. Liz would smile. "Well that one there looks like your brain!" She'd say back lovingly. Colin would squeal in delight. But that day, his squeal turned into the ragged breathing she was so accustomed to before an attack. The breathing soon stopped however. The hospital wasn't able to revive him, either. Candy soon left. She had no one there who she cared about.

Somehow her father had stayed sober for another three months. But one day he came home with the familiar smell on him. "It's all your fault!" He raged. "First, you're born and your mother leaves us! Now Candy. You were supposed to take care of him! But you let...him...die!" The words stung more than a slap or punch would have, always in the back of her mind she had told herself she could've done something different to revive her beloved brother. Somehow, the continued verbal abuse from her father over the next year hurt her more than his hitting her ever did. She sank deeper and deeper within herself, the friends she had made while free from his grip soon began not speaking to her again. Or maybe it was the other way around. By now, Sully had moved to another apartment. The last time she had seen him Colin was still alive, when she was ten and attended Ty's funeral. It was there where she met his son, also named Ty. He was tall for a twelve year old, she remembered thinking. He seemed ok for his dad being dead. He was goofing off, teasing her about her white dress. It was apparently too pretty for his neighborhood. It was during one of his teasing tirades he tripped over his gangly limbs into the mud. When she had tried to help him up, he pulled her in, ruining her dress. She stalked off in tears.

It was one of these nights, where she wondered what good she was doing alive, when her father crept into her room. "Jen?" He whispered. He climbed into bed with her. Liz gasped and jumped out. In her panic she tripped and hit her head on the corner of the bedstand. Dizzy, she crawled to her knees, trying to get away from her drunken father. As he followed, a realization suddenly dawned in his eyes. "You're not your mother!" He yelled, almost accusingly. In his anger, he grabbed her by the arms and hauled her to her feet. Shaking her, he screamed in her face with his foul breath "Why? Why were you born? You're mother never wanted to have a kid, why did you come and ruin my marraige?" His shaking did nothing for the throbbing in her head where she had hit it. He threw her to the floor, and lifted a lamp. He brought it down on her midsection, screaming words she didn't understand. Finally, after slapping her and kicking her in the ribs, he grabbed her and hauled her up again. Seeming to change his mind of what he was going to do, he shoved he away again and turned to head back to his room. But he didn't notice her stumble backwards, and fall through the window. He never saw her. She laid on the cold concrete, unconscious. 


	9. Chapter 9

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 9

  
  


"Geez Liz you're gonna freeze!" Ty exclaimed. Liz jumped. In fact she was freezing, she was shivering. But she didn't care, she had gotten up out of bed an hour ago and was sitting on the windowsill next to an open window. The damp air felt good clinging to her skin. She pushed back her hair out of her face, "What time is it Ty?" Ty looked at his watch, "Its about four." Liz sighed, "Geez, did I wake you up?" "No, I don't know what woke me up. You ok?" Ty asked. Liz started to reply but then just shook her head. "I need the fresh air," she said, looking out the window. "Get something warmer on and then meet me in the kitchen," Ty said.

They were walking on the sand along the canal. Liz had put on some jeans and a sweatshirt like Ty had said, but they were both barefoot. Both had been silent for some time. Silently they had reached out to each other, they were now walking very close and Ty had his arm around her in support. Finally he spoke, "what's the matter Liz?" "Nothing, I just couldn't sleep tonight," Liz said, avoiding him. Finally she told him what had been on her mind. "I was thinking Ty. About my dad, mostly after he came back from rehab. After Colin died and Candy left. That was worse, he didn't hit me with his fists for a long time. He hit me with his words. That's what Sully is doing now, I don't know if I can handle it." Liz struggled to hold it together and Ty hugger her to him tighter. He didn't know what to say. Liz's lips trembled, "Oh Ty! I'm losing everyone! Sully, Pete...." "Hey now, you're not," Ty started to say. "Yes I am! Sully doesn't want me here, and Pete...well Pete..." Liz didn't know what to say. She thought for a minute. "Pete used to take care of me. Now he needs others to take care of him. He doesn't know who I am anymore, I don't know who I am if I don't have them," she finally said. "You're Liz. A strong, beautiful intelligent woman. That's all you need," Ty said. Liz smiled awkwardly, "I don't know how much I believe that right now." Ty smiled back a little, embarrassed at what he said. "Come on lets just sit for a while." So they sat on the sand, Ty's arm around her shoulders, and watched the sun come up.

"Adam 55-3, we have reports of an MVA on Lexington and 123rd." The radio spattered. Carlos groaned, "another one?" Doc just rolled his eyes and flicked on the siren. They silently sped towards the accident. Carlos closed his eyes against the early morning sun, why had he taken an early shift? Suddenly he was rocked forward in his seat, and thrown back against it as Doc slammed on the brakes. "What the..?" He yelped. "Look," was all Doc said. Carlos did, there was a police blockade in the intersection. "Dammit!" Carlos yelled. "Hey look, they're letting traffic through soon I think," Doc said. Aggravated, Carlos opened the door and got out. "Hey where are you going?" Doc called, and Carlos just waved him off. "Hey Bosco!" Carlos yelled as the cop came into view. Bosco turned towards him, "Oh it's you." "Yeah its me. What do you say you let me and Doc through here? We got a call," Carlos replied. "Hmmmm, no sorry. You'll just have to find another route," Bosco replied briskly, adjusting his sunglasses. "We can't move anywhere but forward!" Carlos exclaimed. "Well I can't help you there," Bosco said, starting to walk to the other side of the blockade. "Hey wait a minute!" Carlos called. "What? What now?" Bosco said, reluctantly turning back. "You know Davis? Of course you do. He's my roommate, did you know that?" Bosco rolled his eyes. "Um, yeah I did. So?" Bosco tapped his foot, amused. "Well, doesn't that help in anything? Think you could cut me a favor?" Bosco laughed. "Hell no!" Carlos let out a near scream and turned back to the bus.

  
  


"Liz?" Liz was gently shaken awake. "How long have I been asleep?" She asked sleepily. "Not long, but I need to get on shift so I'd better take you back," Ty said. "Oh ok, sure then. Sorry," Liz said sheepishly. She hoped she hadn't drooled on his shoulder. They climbed in his car, and drove back silent, again. 


	10. Chapter 10

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 10

  
  


Ty had said to feel free to stay. But Liz didn't feel that comfortable doing that. So she quickly tidied up from where she had slept, or tried to sleep. She left a note on the table, thanking him for letting her stay. She remembered her promise to him, that she would try to hold it together for Sully in the coming days. He had been crabby to say the least, she remembered him saying. Snappy, yelling at anyone and everyone. She knew about the cabin, the horrible tremors he had been overcome with, the delirium, the nightmares, his running away. She climbed behind the wheel of her car and sighed. Those nightmares, his daydreams. She knew better. Those weren't affects of the alcohol. The same things had happened to her when she was younger. He was traumatized, he was depressed. They wouldn't go away with her here, he needed therapy. Yet suddenly, today, she didn't want to leave. She thought about what Ty had said to her, when he called her beautiful. Suddenly she had forgotten about Sully. She wasn't thinking unhappy thoughts. She was thinking of her walk. How sad it had been, but how beautiful. She shook her head. She couldn't think like that. She couldn't. He couldn't. Could they? She didn't know, and suddenly the though scared her. 

  
  


Days later, and things moved slowly around the firehouse. It was weird, it was different. The plaque had been put up on the wall, the wall of all their fallen comrades. Their fallen heroes. The name glared at them. They didn't want to see it there. Her name didn't belong there. And yet there it was, plain as day. Plain as the day the world shook and fell out from under them. Now their lieutenant was in the burn unit over at Mercy, and the name was on the wall. Jimmy wandered over to the wall quietly. And looked. The name was written in black, against the gold it seemed to laugh at him. Laugh that his friend had been taken away too soon. He wanted to take it off. Take it off, throw it across the room, then out the window. And run over it with the engine a few times. Then a few more for good measure. But she would still be gone, and the name continued to stare back at him...the name...Alex Taylor.

  
  


Liz had avoided Ty for a few days. But when he called one day in tears, she responded. His friend had been killed in the line of duty the day before. He had been fine the day before, he had thought. But the shock wore off when he awoke, and he broke down. He cried like a baby, like he hadn't before. Not even when his father died had he cried so hard, and that just made him feel guilty. So he called her, and he was at her apartment. They sat on her couch. Ty had slumped down, his head resting on her shoulder. Her arms were lazily draped around his shoulders, her cheek leant against the top of his head. Here they sat as he quietly talked about Alex. The pain that came with losing her so fast. The mistakes he had made with her. And Liz listened. She reassured him that he had done no wrong. That he couldn't stop it, he couldn't save her. That she wasn't mad at him. Then he asked the question she didn't want to hear. "You believe in Heaven, right? She's there?" Liz sighed and stood up. "I don't know, I just don't know Ty." "Well, there has to be. I mean, I've always believed, I've always thought that's where my dad is. I don't know, this makes me think about it more," Ty said. "I don't know Ty," Liz said again. "You don't believe?" Ty asked. "Think of it this way, Ty. I was brought up in a world far from Heaven. So how could there be a God if he allows this?" Ty was silent. 


	11. Chapter 11

Flashback to Now

Chapter 11

It was a month and a half since Liz had arrived in New York. She had even found a job. 

she was happy. She and Ty met at least once a week to talk. It was mostly about Sully and Alex. 

Things hadn't been quite the same since she died. But she was happy. Things were looking up. 

Even Pete had had small improvements. He still didn't remember her, but at some points he

seemed to have that old sparkle. His eyes were less vacant and more alive. He had a good

comradery with a couple of nurses. She and Sully hadn't spoken still, but she had driven by him

one day on her way to work. She thought she had seen him smile at her. So maybe things were

getting better. She smiled to herself as she walked through the doors of Mercy. She loved being

a nurse there. She waved to Proctor and gave Kim a quick hug as she passed by with the gurney. 

Liz and Kim had somehow grown quite close over the past couple of weeks. Liz was meeting

Kim and Ty and others at Haggerty's later in the evening. The sun was shining, so was Liz.

  
  


"Yeah, so I basically dropped him when I heard about that," Kim was saying. Liz

laughed. "I'm sure you did! Dropped him hard!" The two had met at Mercy and were headed to

Haggerty's together. Kim had recently broken it off with Noble when she found out about his

drug 'research.' "Hey you know what we need to do?" Kim suddenly asked. "Not at all," Liz

said. "We need to take a night, just one night, and get all dressed up. We'll go out and find

someplace with a bunch of hot, single, well-paid guys and get ourselves someone," Kim grinned. 

Liz laughed again, "Now THAT is something I can do!" The idle chatter continued as the walked

into Haggerty's. "Hey girls!" Carlos slurred. He had already downed a few. Doc was beside

him at the bar stool. "Hey! What's up Doc?" Liz cracked. "Nothing really, just making sure

Carlos here doesn't fall over," Doc said, smiling. Doc liked Liz, a lot of people did. He wasn't

sure what it was that made her have an almost sad quality at times, but she had a personality that

no one could ignore at times. "What'll it be ladies?" The bartender asked. Liz thought about it. 

She didn't drink that often, but she was with friends, what the heck. "Give me a Bud," Liz said. 

"A Bud? Not a light beer for the little lady?" DK said, walking up behind them with Walsh. 

"Light? Please, what kind of girl do you think I am?" Liz grinned. "My kind of woman!" DK

yelled, raising his arms to the ceiling. Walsh was on his knees. "Marry me!" He cried out. Liz

and Kim laughed and walked off to find a table.

"So he says to her, you want a place to work? Go to Vegas," Faith laughed. "Well come

on! She wants to slut around, she can't do it here. Do it where its legal and get the hell away

from me!" Bosco exclaimed. Faith and Bosco had joined Kim and Liz about an hour after Liz

and Kim arrived. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. Liz was feeling a little woozy,

she didn't normally drink as much as she had done tonight, but she was having fun for once. "So

you were living in Phillie?" Faith asked Liz. "Well, right outside of Philly. A great city, lots of

job opps but I missed it here," Liz said, lying a little. "Really?" Bosco asked. "You going to stay

here?" "I may," Liz said mysteriously. "Well, where would you go?" Bosco asked, not realizing

she was teasing. "Well, I feel a little out of place here, being a Pats fan. I was thinking I'd go to

Boston. Fit in more, you know?" Liz smiled. "What? You're not a Giants fan?" Bosco asked

incredulously. "No, actually I'm a Jets fan," Liz smiled slyly. "I will never, ever, speak to you

again," Bosco said, perturbed. Everyone else just laughed. 


	12. Chapter 12

Flasback to Now

Chapter 12

Ty was running late to Haggerty's. Liz wasn't answering her cell phone. He thought it a

little odd, but he decided she was probably just having a good time and ignoring it. For some

reason, he decided to go home and shower before meeting her there. But his neighbor stopped

him in the hall and pulled him into doing a 'quick' favor. A favor that lasted an hour under the

sink working a drain clog. He sighed, scratching the back of his head. Now he really was going

to have to shower. He tried calling Bosco, knowing he'd be at Haggerty's, but Bosco didn't

answer either. He sighed again "Guess they've forgotten me." 

  
  


The jukebox was playing loudly in the background. Bosco was complaining, he didn't like

the song. Neither did Kim. "You got your gun with you?" Kim asked slyly. "Huh? Why?" 

Bosco asked bewildered. Kim sighed, "no reason." Liz giggled, reminded of an old country

song. "Bubba shot the jukebox, last night!" She sang. Bosco looked even more confused, and

Kim laughed. "Come on Liz, lets go find a good song." Soon Steppenwolf was inviting them all

on a magic carpet ride. "I love this song!" Liz exclaimed, as she began moving to the music. 

"You gonna dance?" Kim asked. "Yeah, I think so," Liz said, still moving. "Alright, I'm going

to go sit then," Kim said. "Ok!" Liz said cheerily. Kim sat down and for a while Kim, Faith and

Bosco just watched Liz. "There's something about that girl," Faith said. "What's that?" Kim

asked. "I don't know. There's just something odd about her, like her world's not right," Faith

said. "Yeah, yeah I guess. She seems sad sometimes," Kim agreed. Bosco grunted. He was

watching her dance. 

Later on, the jukebox was still pounding out the music. Liz had since sit down, but she,

Kim, and Faith were singing loudly as Bosco tried to hide in the corner of the booth. "Clowns to

the left of me, the joker's to the right! Here I am, stuck in the middle with you!" Seeing Bosco's

annoyance, they continued singing even after the song was over. Bosco sat up, "Hey Liz, you

want to dance?" He interrupted. Liz looked taken aback for a moment, "Well, sure Bosco." She

looked back at Kim and gave her a quizzical look as Bosco led her to the dance floor. Pretty

soon she and Bosco were dancing and laughing. He spun her around, and she laughed as she

nearly fell. They continued on for the next few songs, truly having a good time. It was while they

were dancing that Ty walked in, seeing them. He sat down quietly where Liz had been. "Hey

guys," he said. "Hey! Ty! Where've you been?" Kim said cheerfully. "Oh, I went home to take

a shower, and my neighbor needed help with his sink," he said, somewhat glumly. Faith noticed

his looks toward Bosco and Liz. She nodded to Kim knowingly. Kim, feeling badly, asked Ty to

dance. They got up and joined Bosco and Liz on the dance floor. "Hey! Ty!" Liz said,

somewhat slurred. Ty was surprised, he didn't figure her for a drinker. "Hi Liz," he said. 

"How's it going?" Bosco spun Liz around again and she laughed, "I'm great! How about you?" 

"I'm good, thanks for asking," Ty said as he spun Kim around. "Hey, watch out now! Pretty

soon we'll be doing the boot scootin' boogie!" Liz exclaimed. "What?" Kim yelled. "Never

mind, you city people," Liz laughed. Suddenly their chatter and dancing was interrupted by a

crash as Carlos lurched away from the bar. He was grinning widely and stumbling over to a table

with two women sitting smoking and talking. He nearly fell as he reached their table and caught

himself, hands coming heavily down on their table as he held himself up. "Heeeeeeeey ladies!" 

He said. Almost the entire bar laughed as the two women took one look and got up, leaving the

bar muttering to each other. Just as the four were about to go back to their dancing, Liz's cell

phone rang. She was going to ignore it as she had done all night, but this time she decided she'd

better answer it. "Liz, honey, its Nurse Proctor. Come down to the hospital right away,

something's happened." 


	13. Chapter 13

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 13

  
  


Bosco looked quizzical as Liz broke out of his embrace and stumbled to the door, mumbling something about needing to go. Her face looked a panic, she was having trouble putting her cell phone back in her purse. It didn't help that she was a bit drunk. The phone slipped out of her hand and clattered to the floor, she nearly burst into tears as she muttered "damn!" Kim, Ty, and Bosco stared, in shock, at the figure that nearly ran out the door. No one knew what had happened. Ty ran out after her.

"Liz! LIZ!" Ty yelled as she didn't stop. "What?" She called, "I have to go!" She suddenly sounded more sober. "Where? Liz stop a minute, at least let me drive you there," Ty pleaded. Liz looked at him quizzically for a moment, not really understanding why. "Liz," he pleaded quietly, "you're drunk. Now where do you need to go?" Liz broke down, "To Mercy," was all she could say. 

  
  


"Ty! Hey Ty!" Bosco yelled. "Yeah?" Ty asked. "What's up with Liz?" Bosco asked. Ty glowered to himself for a moment, remembering Liz and Bosco dancing the night before. Then remembering the time afterwards, when it was just Liz and Ty. Ty was shaken out of his reverie as Bosco repeated his question, a little more frustrated this time. "She got a phone call," Ty said. "Well, duh, anyone could've seen that Ty. I MEAN, what was that all about? She seemed really upset," Bosco snapped. "Yeah, well she was. Something at work is all," Ty said, walking away. "What? That's all you're going to tell me?" Bosco called after him. Ty shook his head, saying to himself, "what makes you think you deserve to know?"

  
  


Liz was sitting in her apartment. Proctor had sent her home, seeing how distraught Liz still was about the night before's events. There was no peace for that girl, Proctor could tell. As happy as she seemed, there was still some dark shadow lurking around in her mind, in her heart. And it killed Proctor to see that. Liz had wanted to stay at the hospital, stay with Pete. But the nurses had sent her home, promising to call if anything happened. Liz couldn't believe it, Pete had had another stroke. This one had put him on a vent again, and it hurt. Hurt so badly to know that no matter what Liz did, no matter where she brought Pete, he wouldn't get better. The blood clot on his lung that had started the whole ordeal had once again struck. No matter what happened, the clot would come back. Years of smoking, she told herself. He did it to himself. And it hurt her more, she was trying to ease her own pain by blaming him, and she couldn't do it. Liz remembered the day she and her friend ran up the apartment stairs to see him, the envelopes clutched in their hands. Both hoped desperately that the letters would be the answer to their dreams, they would be headed off to nursing school. Her happiness soon disappeared as she saw Pete, nearly unconscious in his armchair, gasping for breath. That was the start, it wasn't the stroke, but the damn ciggarettes working on his lungs. Who knows how the man didn't get emphysema, he was lucky. Until the strokes started. The first one soon after she graduated with her nursing degree. Liz dropped her face into her hands, crying. Somehow, her thoughts turned to Ty again. She quickly got up, washing her face. Ty would be there soon, he was picking her up. She had left some things at his apartment.


	14. Chapter 14

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 14

  
  


The tears were streaming down Liz's face. She had brought her guitar, now she was sitting by Pete's bedside, strumming away. She hummed, lips curled into a half smile, as she played Danny Boy. But Liz was in her own world, as often happened when she played. No longer was she sitting on the stiff, uncomfortable chair, and the hospital bed was not next to her. Neither was Pete, pale, thin, and breathing through a machine. Liz herself was back in time, in Pete's old apartment. She could smell it, the mustiness that always lingered. She was smaller, younger, sitting on his worn blue couch, with a smaller guitar, her much smaller hands strumming the strings. Tears also rolled down her cheeks in her reverie, but tears of frustration. Liz was remembering, reliving, the day that she struggled through a lesson with Sully, and remembering the patience he showed as she cried, claiming she couldn't do it. Remembering the words he had said to her, how he had told her, she could do anything. It was at that moment that Liz snapped back to reality, the tears really coming now. Do anything? She certainly couldn't do this. She looked at Pete, how he was suffering in his dreamlike state, and dropped her head into her hands clasped over the guitar, and sobbed.

Ty was not concentrating that day, and Sully could see that. "What's your problem today Ty?" Sully asked, a little perturbed. "Hmmm?" Ty looked up. "Did you hear anything I just said Davis?" Sully asked, more than a little perturbed now. "Sorry. I was, I guess I was just thinking," Ty said. "Thinking? About what?" Sully asked, now a little concerned. Ty thought a minute, did he want to tell Sully? It might make him mad. Ty shook his head, well, maybe he needed to hear. Ty took a deep breath, "I'm worried about Liz." "Liz? Why Liz?" Sully snapped to attention, he had avoided Liz for days upon days, but was really wondering what she was doing. "Well, you heard about Pete, right?" Ty asked, knowing he hadn't. "No, what about him?" Sully asked. "He had another stroke a few nights ago, and Liz hasn't been doing well since then." Ty thought before he spoke again, "and, she was drunk that night. I, I guess it just surprised me. She hasn't seemed right the past few nights." Sully suddenly shot Ty a look. Nights? What the hell did that mean? "Nights?" Sully asked. "Yeah, when I see her," was all Ty said. Dammit, he thought. I shouldn't have said that. "And she was drunk?" Sully repeated more than asked. "Yeah, it didn't seem right to me," Ty responded, relieved to have a slight subject change. "No, it doesn't," Sully stated. He thought a minute, "and this was before Pete's stroke?" "Yeah, right before," Ty said. "Wow," Sully said softly, "maybe she's really unhappy here." And it has something to do with me, he thought.

The tears were still coming, but Liz had started to play again. Her fingers trembled over the strings as the sobs still racked her body. This time, the guitar didn't take her away to another place. Sully's words, years earlier, still rang through her ears. "Liz, come on honey. There are a lot harder things in the world, you know that by now. You've lived it. You can do anything, you hear? Absolutely anything." Those were the words that fueled her leaving, the words that fueled her returning. She rocked back and forth slightly, thinking deeply. Was she stupid for returning? Certainly, she had found some happiness. Yet that happiness was not without its pain. She felt alone, so alone in this. She felt a surge of sadness when the doctor walked in, but she forced herself to look at Pete. "Have you made your decision?" He asked her. Liz could only nod, and turned her head away, feeling the air being sucked out of her as the ventilator was turned off.


	15. Chapter 15

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 15

  
  


Swimming. That was the feeling, she thought. A near drown. In dark, muddy murky waters. She was swimming, not quite drowning, but was getting nowhere. Like she was tethered to a post and it was not letting her get away. But from what? She didn't know. She tried to distract herself away from reality but coming up with the perfect analogy for her feelings, choking back tears, not wanting her pain to show. She was walking the halls of the hospital, trying to get away. Far, far away from the room, now empty, with the machines there, the lights out and the familiar whirring and whooshing nonexistent. Those noises, she thought, I hated those noises, they annoyed the hell out of me. What I wouldn't do to hear those noises. She shook her head. Back to the analogies, she thought, concentrating hard. Ok, I'm swimming, tethered to a pole, in dark, muddy, murky waters, and....and....As she walked through the ambulance bay she felt herself breaking down, she had not gotten five feet down the sidewalk when she finally gave in. She nearly collapsed, sitting on the curb, sobbing as though she had never once cried in her life, and the tears she had held back were now, finally, escaping.

  
  


"Maybe I should talk to her?" Ty questioned, not quite knowing what to do. "Liz? No, no I think its about time we had a talk, Ty," Sully said quietly. "I've avoided her long enough." "What is it, Sully? What makes it so you don't want to see her?" Ty asked. Sully was quiet, looking away from Ty's eyes. "Its not her going away, is it Sul?" Ty asked. "No. No, not anymore. It was, and I still feel angry at that. Now...now it's the way that she looks at me." "Looks at you?" Ty questioned. "Looks at me. Looks at me like she used to look at her father," Sully said, almost defeated.

  
  


It was after his shift, and he had resolved to go see her. She needed him now, he was sure. Ty had told him that Pete suffered another stroke, he knew that Liz was going to struggle with that. Shoving his hands in the pockets of his brown leather coat, he approached the ambulance bay. He was about to walk through the doorway of the Emergency Room when he saw the small figure sitting on the sidewalk, body shaking with sobs. He approached her carefully, not wanting to scare her, but still not quite sure he wanted her to know that he was there. "Liz?" He finally said. Her tear streaked face looked up. "Papa Bear," she croaked. Sully nearly smiled, he hadn't heard that name in so long. "Sweet Pea, what's the matter?" Sully asked, concerned. Liz gave a hard sniffle, and wiped her nose with her sleeve. Her voice was almost childlike when she said, "Pete. It's Pete. He's gone, gone away." Sully tried to understand the meaning behind that, and said, "No honey, he just had a stroke. He's still here." Liz gave a raw, guttural wail as she cried out, "No! No! Pete's gone! He...I...The doctor, he pulled the plug. I mean, I told him to. I mean, I mean....Pete died. I took him off life support." Sully sat down beside her, with feelings rising inside him, meshing together in a sick, horrible way. Guilt, sadness, anger, emotions he could not name surged inside him to the point where it was painful. "There's no one left, Papa Bear, he's gone," Liz cried. "No one? Sweet Pea, Liz. I'm here," Sully stuttered, surprised. Liz looked him straight in the eyes, and her feelings towards him were suddenly clear. Her pet name for him came out of her grief, nothing more. "You're not here," Liz said coldy. "You aren't the same man, not anymore. There's no one left." Liz looked at him again, stating simply before getting up and leaving, "No one."

  
  


~ * ~ * ~ 

  
  


Lee, Lauren and Karlie: Thank you very much for your kind reviews, I am glad you are enjoying this story. I realized today I posted Chapter 12 in place of Chapter 3, I apologize for the inconvenience and I have fixed it for you. Thank you again and I hope you continue to enjoy the story as it goes, if there is anything you want to see happen or change, let me know! I may end up surprising you in the end, but I love your input!


	16. Chapter 16

Flashback to Now  
  


Chapter 16  
  


Sully had hoped that giving Liz the night to herself, she would be able to clear her head. As he slowly left his apartment, her words the night before rang throughout his head, clanging against the walls of his skull and piercing his brain. He wasn't the same man anymore, she had said. He knew exactly what that meant. It was his drinking that was the problem. It was hurting her, it was hurting Ty. The realization dawned, he was hurting himself. He didn't have Tatianna anymore, but now he was going to get Liz back. And he was keeping her back.  
  


Liz was wandering aimlessly around her apartment, and looked at a picture on the wall. She didn't know why it was there, she had hung it in a burst of happiness one day. It was of her and Sully, when she was five. He had given her a birthday party when her father had given her a slap in the face. What was wrong with her? She wondered. Had she really jumped all over him when she needed him? She snapped out of her thoughts when the buzzer sounded in her apartment.  
  


The words were pouring out of her. Sully was sitting on her couch, drinking some coke while she sat across from him. He had finally asked her about Pennsylvania, and she was finally sharing. "I never left to leave you, Sully," she stated. "And I know I left with no explanation as to why I was going there. Truth be told, I didn't want you to know because you would have shot me down." "Now why would I have done that? When have I ever done that?" Sully asked. Liz sighed and stood up, wiping the sweat off her palms on her sweatpants. "Because maybe, just maybe, I knew my mistake myself and I didn't want anyone else to echo my doubts. Then I would've stayed. Sul, I found my mother there." "Your mother?" Sully repeated, surprised. "Yes, I was just, just looking at the area that they were offering me to place me. I was looking at the phone book, for God's sake. I was bored that day. And I saw her name, on the same street the job was going to place me on." "Wow," Sully breathed. "Unbelieveable." "Yeah," Liz sighed, and stopped to breathe for a moment. "Well, what happened with her?" Sully carefully pushed. "Well, at first it was wonderful. She," Liz laughed a little before continuing. "She actually welcomed me with open arms, telling me how sorry she was for leaving, but Al had been hitting her and she needed to leave. She was sorry she couldn't take me with her, but she knew she couldn't support a baby with the amount of money she had, and she didn't think Al would hurt me. She brought me around, introduced me to all of her friends. That was around when I realized what she was doing. She was using me. She was putting herself out there as this fragile, damaged woman with no happiness, constantly acting for attention. Me? I was perfect for her. I would get her the attention she craved. Until people got tired of hearing the same story all the time. Then suddenly, she stopped calling and visiting. I'd go to see her and she'd give me some excuse of why I couldn't be there. I gave up. We were living on the same street, but we weren't friends, we weren't mother and daughter. By then, Pete had been settled and you had told me not to come back, so I didn't." Liz finished. "Liz, Liz," Sully trailed off. "Liz, I am so sorry. I never, ever really meant that you needed to stay." "Yeah, well. You sounded pretty damn serious," Liz said blandly. Sully sighed. "Sully?" Liz asked. "Yeah?" He answered. "Why didn't you tell me about Tatianna?" "I don't know Liz, I just don't know. By then, you had never called, never written, and it had been years. So many years. You had never tried to make contact after 9/11, so I thought, so I figured you wouldn't care. That I had been cut out of your life. I wouldn't be surprised if I was," Sully said, before finally saying, "I wouldn't be surprised if you did now." Liz was quiet for a moment, and reached out for his hand. "I'm sorry Papa Bear," she said tearfully. "I'm sorry too, Sweet Pea," Sully whispered. They were both silent for a long moment, before Liz finally broke the silence by saying, "Papa Bear? Please don't think I'm crazy, but I want to see my father. Will you take me?"

  
  


~*~*~

Again, sorry about Chapter 3! I have it fixed, but it is out of order!


	17. Chapter 17

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 17

  
  


"Jimmy!" Kim was raging as she walked into the locker room of the station. "Uh-oh," said DK to Walsh, nudging him. Jimmy nodded to the two of them, and they both walked out. "Hi Kim," Jimmy said calmly. "What were you thinking?" Kim asked angrily. "Don't I ever get a hello?" Jimmy asked, feigning being hurt. "Don't step around my question, Jimmy," Kim said coldly. "Alright, alright, geeze," Jimmy relented. "What did I do?" "Just what movie did you take Joey to see?" Kim asked, even though she already knew. "X-Men II," Jimmy said calmly. "Finding Nemo was sold out, and he really wanted to see a movie." "So you took him to see that one?" Kim asked incredulously. "Yeah, I had seen it already and it was an ok movie, and he enjoyed it," Jimmy said. "What makes you think he enjoyed it?" Kim asked. "He told me!" Jimmy said, exasperated. "Oh he told you that? Jimmy, he had nightmares all last night!" Kim exclaimed. Jimmy was about respond when Carlos walked into the room. "Geez, you guys argue like an old married couple." Jimmy glared at him.

  
  


"Hey Liz!" Ty said as he walked into Mercy alongside Sully. Sully gave the two of them a look, then walked over to the desk with the bleeding perp they had just picked up from a barfight. "Hi Ty!" Liz said cheerily, and waved to Sully as he walked away. "Hey, um, listen, I was wondering something," Ty said quietly, looking back at Sully. "Yeah?" Liz asked. Ty looked at Sully again, and Liz nodded. "I was just wondering, if maybe you wanted to go out to dinner after shift tonight?" Ty asked in a near whisper, still glancing nervously over at Sully. Liz laughed at his nervousness and whispered back, "sure, that'd be great." Sully walked back over with the perp, "looks like he'll be fine, lets go Ty!" "Sure Sul, see ya around Liz," Ty responded, following him. "Yeah, see ya later Ty!" Liz laughed. Sully looked straight at Ty as soon as they got into the RMP. "Later, huh?" Sully questioned. "Yeah, we're going out to dinner," Ty said calmly. "Oh, so you're taking her out to dinner?" Sully said. "You gonna sleep with her this time?" "This time?" Ty questioned. "Well, you have before, right?" Sully asked, a little confused. "No, never. She just stayed at my apartment one night when her apartment was being cleared of carbon monoxide. She slept on the couch," Ty responded. Sully sighed, "I knew there was a reason I liked you Ty. Take care of her, alright?" Ty just smiled, relieved.

Liz was laughing as they walked out of the restaurant. The date had began as a disaster. Liz's change of clothes consisted of jeans and a t-shirt, and Ty had gotten reservations at a nice restaurant. They decided to go anyway, and Ty changed into jeans to match. "We'll look ignorant and drive some patrons crazy," he had laughed. When they got there, only a few minutes late, their reservations had been given away anyway. They settled for take-out, and were on the way to the local park to eat. Ty turned on the radio and Liz found a song she liked. Both had fallen silent, and as he listened to the words of the song, he wondered what it was he was feeling.

  
  


Did you tell her that you love her  
Tell her that you need her  
That her that you want her to stay  
Reassure her with a kiss  
Or she may never know  
Unless you show her what you're feeling  
Tell her you're believing  
Even though it's hard to say  
Cause she needs to know you're thinking of her  
So open up and tell her that you love her  
Tell her that you love her

  
  



	18. Chapter 18

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 18

  
  


"So..." Sully said, not bothering to finish his sentence, figuring Liz knew what he was going to ask about. Both were sitting in his car at a red light, on their way to the halfway house to see Al. Liz, in fact, did know, but decided to play dumb, "so?" "You know," Sully said simply, chuckling. "I do?" Liz asked innocently. "Yes, you do," Sully said, "You know I want to know about the date." Liz smiled coyly, and said, "yes, yes I do know." Sully rolled his eyes, "so?" "So what?"

  
  


Liz had never gotten around to telling Sully how the date went, she played dumb or coy the entire way to the house and generally drove Sully crazy. It was like old times. But Liz felt her heart lurch into her throat as they pulled into a parking space. Suddenly she was a bundle of nerves, and felt like running back to the safety of her apartment. Away from here, away from her father. Would he remember her? Would he care? Would he threaten her? Hit her? Yell at her? A million thoughts were running through Liz's head and she suddenly wanted to ralph. 

  
  


Sully was watching Liz, seeing her inner struggle. He wondered if she would make it into the halfway house, or run out of the sliding automatic doors and just keep running. They walked up to the front desk, and Liz just shook her head at him. Sully took that as a signal to talk for her. "We came to see Al, I called earlier today," Sully stated. The nurse behind the desk, obviously preoccupied with her Cosmo magazine, just nodded and walked them quickly to the door. Without a word, she returned to her desk and her magazine. "You ready?" Sully asked Liz, squeezing her shoulder. "Yeah, I guess," Liz sighed. "Ready as I'll ever be."

  
  


The man in front of her was pathetic. He was slumped over in his easy chair. Pale. Skinny. Red and pale blue veins showed all over his body, his arms, his face, the skinny white legs sticking out of the large cotton shorts. "Do you know who I am?" Liz asked quietly, not knowing what to say. "Who are you?" He asked, and before she could respond, "you're so beautiful. I knew many beautiful women. I married one, but she left. So beautiful, so beautiful and you look like someone I once knew. It's uncanny." Once he was done with his rambling, Liz took a deep breathe before saying, "hi Dad, it's me Liz." Al sat straight up, his shoulders still curved over. "Liz? My Elizabeth?" Sully stood silently, standing far behind Liz, near the doorway, not wanting to intrude but wanting to be there to protect her. "Yes," Liz said quietly. The man suddenly broke down, crying. His breathing became ragged, he was gasping for air between sobs, and Liz was suddenly frightened by his pathetic nature. Suddenly, he wasn't so big, so scary. She had no fear of him other than a fear of him dying right in front of her, she pitied him. "Oh, oh my Elizabeth. I am so sorry," he began through his sobs. "I loved you, I really did love you. I couldn't take care of you, I hit you. I tried to kill you twice, I know I did. I know what I did." His voice grew smaller as his sobs increased in their ferocity. Liz didn't know how he could even speak, but he kept going, and Liz suddenly wished he would stop. "I love you, I love you still. I can't believe what I did, it was the drinking. I can't drink anymore. It hurts, Elizabeth. It hurts that I hurt you, that I couldn't be better for you. I kill myself every day more and more thinking of what I did, I kill myself from the inside out. And it hurts, it hurts more and more each day. But you're here now, I can stop hurting. I can, can't I?" He suddenly staggered to his feet, nearly falling, and reaching out to hug Liz. Liz gasped, nearly in disgust as his cold fingers brushed her arm. She stepped back, suddenly disgusted by the creature that stood in front of her. This wasn't her father, this wasn't a man. It was a broken thing, and she suddenly pitied it so much it hurt. And suddenly she couldn't breathe anymore, she had to leave. She had to get out, and that she did. She turned and ran, Sully following. As she ran out of the doorway of Al's apartment, she heard him moan and his sobs increase even more as he collapsed onto his bed, wailing "she hates me, she hates me. My baby daughter hates me." Liz couldn't believe she had done this, gone to see him. She believed she had wrecked him even more. Maybe she shouldn't have said who she was, just acted like a nice person who came out of charity to visit. But she had wanted to see, and now knew her mistake. She slammed the car door and cried silently all the way back to her apartment.


	19. Chapter 19

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 19

  
  


"Oh no you didn't!" DK yelled, bending over at putting his hands on his knees. "Oh yeah I did!" Carlos panted back, grabbing the basketball and tossing it over to Jimmy. "Come on DK, it was one lousy basket, I'm sure you'll catch up," he ran around the room and threw the ball over to Walsh, "in your next lifetime!" "Hey, Jimmy, eat my ass, ok?" DK snarled. Walsh laughed, "grab a spoon buddy!"

  
  


Liz hadn't been the same since she had went to see her father. Something in her had died. She had basically cut herself off from Kim, and was going through the motions at work. She'd return home, maybe call Ty, but many of their conversations would quickly turn to silence. Sully could see her slipping inside of herself, an effect that her father seemed to always have on her. He was worried about her, worried she was getting depressed again. He knew what happened in her depression. She ran. When she was younger she'd run out of the apartment, run a few blocks before deciding to turn around and go back. When she got older, she drove. She drove too fast, as a cop he told her to slow down, but as a father figure he knew what she was doing. It was like a line straight out of her favorite book, The Bone Collector. When you move, they can't get you. So she moved, she drove the car away, turning the streets of New York into her own personal race track. She had been known to get ragey if the traffic didn't go her way, many times she kept her feelings bottled up inside of her for the day until late at night, when cars were rare, and drove to her heart's content. Sully suddenly wondered if something else had pushed her to go to Pennsylvania, certainly that would qualify as running. He wondered if he would ever find out.

  
  


Many people were wondering what was happening with Liz. She had lost that spark, rarely smiled, or at least smiled as though she were really happy. She was down on herself, too, complaining that she wasn't doing things right. Ty wondered what had happened to the woman he had found himself falling for, he suddenly was finding himself falling out of, well, whatever it was he was falling in. He didn't like her like this, not at all.

  
  


"Dammit," Jimmy muttered as DK scored on a perfect lay up. DK slapped hands with Lieu as Carlos, Jimmy and Walsh grumbled. The score was tied.

  
  


Sully was walking home from his shift. The new apartment wasn't really that far away, and he enjoyed the crisp fall air while it was still relatively warm. He was reflecting on how well he was doing, staying sober and feeling in control finally. "Hey Sullivan, that you?" A voice rang out in the near-darkness. Sully squinted at the familiar face, trying to recognize the man in front of him. Suddenly, it dawned on him, "Larry?" "Yeah man, its me. Wow, its been a long time, I haven't seen you since that little girl fell out the window," Larry said. "Yeah, you quit? You never came back." Larry shook his head, and said, "no, I transferred the very next day. I couldn't take it, something like that. Got a nice solid job now, been going for years." "That's good, that's real good man," Sully said sincerely. "Hey, you wanna grab a drink? Catch up?" Larry asked suddenly. Sully thought for a minute. He had never felt more in control of himself, he was sure he could handle one drink. One drink, that's all he'd have, he told himself. "Sure Larry, that sounds great."

  
  


Liz was hungry, she hadn't eaten well over the past three days and her stomach felt like it was trying to gnaw its way out of her body. She stopped quickly into the nearest restaurant for some takeout when she saw something that made her freeze. There was Sully, with some unknown man, with an empty beer bottle by his hand. Sully looked up in time to see her flee out to her car. "Liz!" He yelled, following her. She looked at him long enough to say, "you son of a bitch." Sully knew he had done no wrong by himself, he had limited himself to one drink and he had stuck to it. He was proud, but Liz didn't realize this. He decided to follow her. He heard her engine revving as he quickly hailed a cab. He had just climbed in when he heard the horns blaring, the screeching brakes, and the horrible, sickening crunch of metal. 

  
  


Jimmy was about to pass the ball over to Carlos when the alarm blared.


	20. Chapter 20

Flashback to Now

  
  


Chapter 20

  
  


Sully knew it was coming, a long time ago. And here he was, in her hospital room, ready to take her home, but she had other ideas. "I'm going back, Sullivan, and there's nothing you can do about it," Liz said sullenly, grasping her wrist and wincing. She had not sustained horrible injuries, but enough to keep her in the hospital for three days. She was ready to go, she had had enough of New York. There was no turning back.

  
  


Liz walked around the apartment. She had somehow managed to pack in that one day, and was ready to go. She was glad she had never sold the old house, and her landlord said it was ready for her. It had been six long months, and she couldn't stop thinking about them. She had fallen in love, had suffered through Sully's drinking, his recovery, watched Pete improve then suffer and die, had gotten a job she loved but soon felt like it wasn't anything new or impressive, and had seen her father again, dead to the world she'd once lived. She couldn't take it anymore. She felt it in her blood, running through her veins, contracting in her muscles. Her legs wanted to carry her far, far away. She wanted to run. She was going to run.

  
  


The wind was blowing her hair back through the open window as she sped across the freeway. No train this time, too much time to think. She didn't want to think anymore. So she rented a U-Haul and hitched it to the back of her old Pontiac, leaving furniture behind and bringing only the belongings she could fit in cardboard boxes. Tears streamed down her face, but as she crossed the state line she felt herself begin to breathe easier again. She had run away again.

  
  


Sully sat in his apartment, staring at the chipped and near-crumbling ashtray, long faded pink from orange. The picture was next to him on the coffee table. It showed a beautiful little girl with sparkling green eyes on a swing, hair streaming behind her and her mouth open in an ecstatic scream of pure happiness as the world flew around her. Sully was standing behind the swing, ready to push her again when she came back down to earth and back towards him. Sully found himself thinking again, wondering what it was that kept bringing her to Pennsylvania. Guess I'll never know, he thought. Guess it's just a place to run and hide in. 

  
  


Kim was riding along in the ambulance, head in her hand, looking out the window. She had heard the news that morning that Liz had left. She didn't know quite what to think, other than that she probably shouldn't be too surprised. Liz had basically stopped speaking to her, and Kim could see the darkness and gloominess that haunted Liz's eyes. In truth, Kim never really knew her that well. Sully had eventually filled her in on Liz's sad life story, and Kim now understood what had kept haunting Liz. 

  
  


Ty was sitting alone in a coffee shop, absently stirring the cold liquid that had once been steaming hot. That was an hour ago, and he had not had a sip of coffee. He signaled for the check, threw a few bills on the table, and began to walk to his apartment. When he walked in, he stopped in front of the window that he had found Liz sitting in. He looked absently at the clock and saw that it was late, nearly two in the morning. He was too large to sit in the windowsill, so he pulled a chair as close to it as he could. Liz was right, the damp air did feel good against his skin. It felt like tears, he wondered if she had been crying.

  
  


Liz had finally reached home. She looked down a few houses to where her mother had once lived. It had been a while since she had seen her, she wondered where her mother was. Liz unlocked the door to the dark and empty house, then collapsed on the couch, still covered in the dusty slipcover. Liz's body was racked with sobs. She felt a sudden burst of deja vu. She had these thoughts once before, wondering if she had done the right thing. She knew that soon, it wouldn't matter anymore. She would go on as normal, as she had always done here. Here at home in Pennsylvania. She blamed Sully for uprooting her for so long. Something told her that he would be alright with her gone. And she could finally close that chapter on her life, and start anew. Without the flashbacks of her past. It was time for now. 


End file.
